BigNews.Biz - May 20,2010 - Divorce in itself is a separation – the dissolution of a union between two people. But divorce merely not the dissolution of that marriage. It also involves the empowerment of the two people to build their lives once again and let go of grudges.
Getting through divorce is an emotionally charged process. You feel a myriad of emotions from anger, bargaining, depression, among others. To feel these emotions is healthy. It is a sign that you are undergoing grief. But you have to vent out these emotions. You have to allow yourself to feel. Bottling it up inside you can only lead to negative results. It is okay to feel angry. Looking back on the marriage, you berate yourself for choosing a not so responsible partner. You remember his faults and replay those instances your partner wronged you. You mull over his or her imperfections. You ask yourself how your partner could have hurt you – when all you ever did was love.
In this stage of anger, it is difficult to remember all the good that came out of that marriage. The birth of your children and the growth both you and your partner from happy go lucky singles to responsible parents. While you are allowed to feel the ager, it is just fair that you do remember the positive side of that marriage too. Doing so, you may save yourself from holding grudges – which is one of the things you can experience when someone you trust, someone very close to you betrays you and hurts you. That is why ‘feeling is healthy’. It allows you to express your thoughts. Holding on to your anger and to your grudges keeps you from moving forward. It keeps you from the stage of acceptance.
On our site you will find a great deal of information on how to control this anger and get over all those bad feelings that you have about divorce. It is run by professionals who know divorce and have been in those situations. You will find various articles that will help people who are in depression and how to overcome these overwhelming feelings.
Many people hold on to grudges because they feel it is power. It is a power that you hold over your then partner. By holding on to that grudge, you put that blame on that person. He or she is the one at fault. He caused the dissolution of your marriage. His hurtful actions are the cause of your hurt. But while the bashing of your ex has its certain benefits, this cannot go on forever. Holding on to your grudge does not mean you are in power. It means the opposite. Your ex has the power over you. He still has the power to make you angry, the power to influence your thoughts, the power to keep you from moving forward.
Thus you have to let go of these grudges, but not because of your partner – first and foremost because of
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